I turned 24 in January and spent the month hiding from myself. Trying to keep myself strong. What I really did was get weaker. Slowly but surely. 31 days of weakness. I was explaining to someone the other day that there are honestly days that I obviously lived but don’t remember. Just chunks of time are gone.

Then someone, I truly trust told me to stop. Just stop.  Stop trying to protect your mind from what was hurting you. Focus on work. Focus on the gym. Stop bowling through the pain. Focus on things that make you feel good. Take a break.

I didn’t bowl any tournaments in the month of February. My first tournament will be this weekend (YES I know Saturday is February…but Sunday is March and it’s a two day tournament). I spent a lot of this month reflecting. Speaking out. Saying how I felt. I cried. It was worth it because finally I broke through. I could hear my dreams and fears. I could breathe. I could bowl. I could finally keep the noise behind me and hear myself again. It was the most exhilarating feeling in the world.

I spent time with my family, friends, and co-workers. I worked. I coached a little. I re-watched the complete season of The Gilmore Girls. I went to the gym. I practiced a lot and I bowled in my leagues. I surrounded myself with positive people. I heard their stories and I shared mine.

I lost part of my life I’ll never get back and there are parts of myself that will never be the same. However, I’ve found the pieces of me that I will never lose again.

I have learned so much and I want to thank every single person I know for being so compassionate and understanding. You were more help than you’ll ever know. ❤

What’s your story?

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